Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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