At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
