Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
