I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
