he wants to bone in the snuggie
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
