Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
