i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
