i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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