During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I am spending my child support on dildos
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
