i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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