you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
