All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
