Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize