Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
