So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
