His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
