Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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