just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
