It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize