sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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