Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
