OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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