Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
