All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
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