The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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