1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
