We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just gargled with NyQuil
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
