Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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