12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
