Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
