You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
