We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
