i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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