I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
