That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
