theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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