She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
