That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
