In the future we'll all be gay
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
