She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
