i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
