There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
