I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
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