Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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