who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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