The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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