She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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