boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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