im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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