Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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