Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
