I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
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