Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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