Banned from zoo.
Again?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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