your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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