We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
