So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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