Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
