Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
