K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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