he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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