I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
