Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
