I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
