I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
What happened to fro yo and sex?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
