She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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