There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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