I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
