if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
