I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
