i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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