It was confusing and full of hummus
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
