obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
