I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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