i need an iv and a liver transplant
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
