Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
