do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
