A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
