A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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