Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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