A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
