i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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