Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
