You're so nebulous sometimes
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
even my farts smell like vagina
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
