she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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