She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
