You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
