I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
where am i from again
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
