I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize