I need to stop coming to work sober
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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