i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
well you can't waste a boner
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize