He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
