dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
