i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
