There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
