Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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