sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
