my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
